3 Keys to the Worst Trip of Your Life
Everyone has had one – the horrible plane journey to or from your holiday destination. The time you have got off the plane and vowed to never fly again. Here are 3 keys to ensure that every flight is the worst flight of your life:
1. Make sure you sit between the 2 biggest people on the plane
This one is a sure fire way to get a crook neck and the wonderful experience of squeezing your shoulder blades together for hours at a time. Make sure that when the polite air stewardess asks you if you have enough room you reply, “Of course, I couldn’t be more comfortable”.
2. If possible, arrange to fly in the worst weather conditions possible
If you are a bit queasy in the stomach like me, nothing will ruin your flight more than a good dose of turbulence. Eating sweet lollies for breakfast before your flight will only serve to increase the chance that you go reaching for the little paper bag with the photo development ads as soon as possible. And just when you start to feel better now you’ve emptied the contents of your stomach, arranging a thick fog to hover over the airport to give you the chance to circle around for a further hour will top things right off.
3. Be sure to spill your drink at the start of the flight, and encourage your neighbour to do the same
There’s nothing like a hot coffee in your lap to wake you up on your red-eye flight. Or the Coca-Cola of the klutz sitting next to you. Either way, the earlier you can manage this in your flight the better, and when tidying up it always helps if you’re sitting in the window seat as far away from the helpful stewardess as possible.
Hopefully these occurrences are a lot rarer for you than they are for me. Do you have a horror flight story? I’d love to hear it (and I’m sure others would to)!
June 25th, 2007 at 9:29 pm
Lol - all too true!
February 16th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
The first time I ever flew first class (boss surprised me w/ an upgraded ticket at last minute). My seat was in the very first row, so I got my items out of my laptop bag and was waiting for people getting on the plane to finish loading so I could put my bag in an overhead compartment. When a small break finally came in the line to get on the plane, I lifted my bag up and the strap knocked over my cranberry & vodka drink all over the lap of the person next to me. I hadn’t even had a single sip. The worst bit, was it happened before the plane even took off the ground, seriously, people were still loading on the plane so they all stared at me while we were attempting to clean up the mess. I had to sit the whole 3 hr flight beside the pour lady. The stewardess kept coming back around asking if anyone wanted more drinks, my eyes were teary every time, struggling not to cry. It was sooo humiliating, maybe i should have just been sent back to coach. As soon as the plane landed I offered her $ for dry cleaning which she refused. Immediately after getting off the plane I went to the nearest restroom and just sobbed…so embarrased! My boss of course later asked me how it was in 1st class, trying to be gracious for his generosity & still totally humiliated, I didn’t have the heart or ability to tell him.